What if Naruto actually became hokage?
by Devino
Summary: Shikamaru narrates. Please be kind in your comments for this is my first fic, any and all creative critism is welcome.


The world of _Naruto_: ten years after the end of the series

I was rejoicing. I, Shikamaru Nara had finally escaped the grasp of the sand kounochi Temari. She had taken me back to the village hidden in the sand as what she phrased "a hostage of love". I had finally escaped and made my way back to the village hidden in the leaves. What I saw there was so terrible even I, the most lazy of all shinobi find it my duty to write what perspired there.

I walked into the village, and met Sasuke Uchiha and his creepy cross dressing mentor Orchimaru. We were standing in a nearly deserted street, the storefronts boarded up and bearing such signs as: "Moved to Village Hidden in the Mist" or "See our new premises in the sound village!"

Me: Aren't you guys evil? Why the heck're you walking down the main street of Konoha?

Orochimaru: "Yes it was true that my main goal once was to destroy this village and everyone in it; but once _he _became hokage, I no longer saw the need. He did it so thoroughly that I started following a much more evil path; selling dial up internet to the entire ninja world!"

During this little speech, Sasuke had begun to tremble; a look of absolute terror written across his face.

Me: "That's all well and good, but if not you, who did destroyed this place?"

Sasuke: "FROGS... RAMEN... BELIEVE IT!" He then fell on the ground twitching and drooling slightly.

Orochimaru: You will soon see muhahahahahahahahahaha...

He then did some extremely unnecessary and flamboyant jutsu to that made him disappear, and then show up about six feet more down the road.

Most ninja at this point would go rushing off to the hokage's dwelling and apprehend this nut-case, but I just continued on down the road, not to be bothered, until I fell through the roof of a badly built tunnel.

Inside were two men, one with a silver ponytail and glasses and the other with spiky silver hair that defied all laws of physics.

I looked up, to see that I had fallen about twenty feet, and then turned around to find an exit.

Kabuto: "Don't you want to know how we, two sworn enemies became allies?"

Me: "Not really, because I know it'll be a very long boring story and I really just want to get out of here."

Kakashi: "Well, too bad. We're going to tell it to you anyway."

Me: "Groan..."

Kabuto: "It all started five years ago when Naruto Uzumaki became hokage. He declared me one of his most trusted advisors even after I had already shown my true colors as a sound ninja years before. I tried to kill him openly many times and finally, I just got sick of his refusal to see that I was evil, and just gave up"

Kakashi: "As you well know achieving the rank of hokage has always been his dream; but he took it too far... He passed laws... horrible laws: banning all summoning spirits besides frogs and stopping the selling of _Make-Out Paradise! _ (at this last proclamation, Kakashi burst into tears.) For those reasons sniff I vowed to kill him"

Kabuto: "Also, he shut down all restaurants not selling ramen, made the anbu Black Opts. into a drama troop because they wear such colorful masks, and made it illegal to wear the village hidden in the leaves headband anywhere but your head."

Me: "HE WHAT?!"

Kabuto: "closed down all non-ramen shops?"

Me: "no"

Kabuto: "Humiliated the Anbu Black Opts. by making them into a horde of dancing skipping idiots?"

Me: "...no"

Kabuto: "Made the village hidden in the leaves headband for head use only?"

Me: "YES! For that he must pay... and I guess for all the other stuff too."

Then they outlined their plan. Apparently, they had built the tunnel to make an attempt on Naruto's pathetic life. They knew the could kill him easily, but they thought it'd be much cooler to tunnel in and be all ninja stealthy. I on the other hand could not be bothered and left them alone in their tunnel, while I just snuck right into the Hokage's main office without them.

The orange jumpsuit clad imbecile was sitting at his desk watching the English-dubbed Naruto anime and laughing like a moron

Me: "Now you must die. You made me come all the way up here and made everyone look like an idiot by forcing them to wear the village hidden in the leaves headband the right way."

Naruto: "Shadow clone jutsu!"

Me: "You haven't realized by now that shouting the name of the jutsu makes it possible for your enemy to prepare a counter attack that much faster?"

Naruto: "umm... what?"

Me: "...never mind"

Thus ensued a MA rated battle of epic proportions in which the annoying protagonist of a manga that never ends was killed.


End file.
